All Of The Words
by BonesBird
Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.
1. Alone

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Alone**

**Historian's Note: set in the days following "Blood Fever" 3x16.**

**This is my first Voyager fic, so pleaaaaaaaaaaaaase be kind. I'm hoping that these two will be pretty easy to write, in many ways they are similar to Morgan/Garcia, so the change shouldn't be too drastic. These were my first ever ship, and I still get tingles when I watch them.**

**This is also fic number 100, it wasn't going to be, originally, but what better time to start writing a new fandom than your 100th**** fic huh. **

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><p>She was alone, again, and the thought of what had gone on between she and Tom on the planet the ship was still orbiting would haunt her for a long time. Neurochemical imbalance be damned, it wasn't how she had ever envisioned a "first date" scenario to go with anyone, let alone Tom Paris.<p>

Yes they were friends, and yes, she had a massive amount of respect for him, and she couldn't deny the attraction. But they weren't the "couple" type and she strongly doubted they ever could be.

He'd made his feelings clear, long before this. He found her fascinating, he wanted to know more about her, and when it had looked like she had no other option, he'd stood there and agreed to the insanity Vorik had forced upon her.

"Lieutenant" Tom said to her with a smile. It was the second time they'd run into each other since the incident, the first time they'd said to wipe it off, pretend it had never happened, but since it was pretty much all she could think about, that probably wasn't going to happen any time soon. His smile was a little too light, too happy to see her. She was willing to bet he was having the same problem.

"Hi, Tom" she returned the smile, joining him in the turbolift, "did you hear, Chakotay found a Borg corpse on the surface" she blurted after a few moments of awkward silence

"Have you found a way to hide the galacite readings?" Tom asked, seemingly also at a loss for conversation. Damn why was it so awkward all of a sudden.

"Yes, Harry is putting them in place now"

"Back on duty"

"Light" the lift slowed as they approached her destination, the Mess Hall, "I'll see you around Tom" she smiled lightly at him as she walked out

"Hey, B'Elanna" he called, and she stopped and turned "don't be a stranger" he said in a carrying whisper, causing her to smile as the lift closed.

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><p>As the lift closed he sagged back against the bulkhead as it whisked him away to the Bridge. It was a weird situation, something he'd never been stuck with before. He'd had plenty of trysts, but none with someone who was his friend in quite the way B'Elanna was. His thoughts had barely left her for long since the whole incident. Even after he'd known she was OK. He'd avoided checking on her, letting Harry or Chakotay do it, then asking them afterwards. He remembered Harry's naïve advice on the subject.<p>

"_Tom if you like her, and it's clear she likes you, why not just… go for it"_

"_It's not the same Harry, her actions were the result of a neurochemical… what sit"_

"_That doesn't mean it wasn't genuine"_

"_It wasn't Harry" _

Sometimes, he wondered if it was, but he knew B'Elanna, knew what she'd said to him before, and knew that nothing was going to come of this. But another part of him, truly hoped that she did want him.


	2. Beautiful

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Beautiful**

**Historian's Note: Set at the end of 4x05 "Revulsion"**

**Massive, massive thanks to PinkAngel. It was our discussion that picked on episode setting and hoping to get it right. Thanks to Nebula for the word too. Once again, just another cute little chapter. Remember these are just drabbles. This is just to show the tenderness we never got to see on screen, but that I can imagine happening behind the doors.**

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><p>"If your heart can take it" Tom prodded her gently. It was another tease, things that had always been bubbling below the surface of their friendship was finally beginning to come to the front, and it meant that the issue would be able to be put behind them. She barely heard the Doctor's throw-away jibe as Tom helped her off the bed and out the door.<p>

"Are you sure you can do something tonight" Tom asked, concern clouding his visage as he stopped her just outside of sickbay and leaning against the bulkhead as she looked at him with a smile

"Maybe nothing too strenuous" she almost laughed, "so behave"

"I'm not sure how I'd do that" Tom leant closer to her, placing a gentle kiss on the side of her neck "with something so beautiful with me" he leant back a little as their crewmates passed, and he started leading her towards a turbo lift "my place, yours or the mess hall"

"I feel like I haven't eaten in days" she smiled, leaning against him as they waited for the lift.

"You know, I have a replicator in my quarters too" he whispered in her ear, waiting on the lift "nice and private" she pulled back, and for a moment she couldn't tell whether he was saddened or happy she'd pulled away

"Are we ready for private?" she asked, looking deep into his dark blue eyes, she saw the want in his eyes, but she had been badly hurt, and maybe, private wasn't the way they should go.

"We've been alone together before" he whispered as the lift arrived, and Harry walked passed them, with the annoying smirk on his face. B'Elanna rolled her eyes as he turned round behind Tom's back and mimed what he thought of it. "What's Harry doing?"

"It doesn't matter" she grinned, looking back at him. "Maybe tonight, we talk. Tomorrow, we can think about more" she followed him down to her quarters, and stretched out on the sofa, allowing Tom to wait on her hand and foot.

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><p>After B'Elanna fell asleep with her head in his lap, he just looked down on her. It was a sight he was fairly confident he was only one of a very few people who had seen it. But he was suddenly glad that she truly felt the same for him as he felt for her. He'd hoped to hear the words so many times, since the incident months earlier where Vorik had forced B'Elanna to go through the Pon Farr with him, and they had almost had their first encounter in a less than favourable place for either of them.<p>

"Tom" she whispered lightly as she rolled over, he just stroked her cheek and looked down into her sleepy eyes, he smiled as she reached a hand up to mirror the action.

"You really are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen" he smiled, before taking her through to her bed, and he watched her fall asleep again. He knew this was the start of a future for them both, and leaving her quarters, he looked back, and forwards, to their next night.


	3. Choices

**Title: All Of The Words**

**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.**

**Chapter Title: Choices**

**Historian's Note: Set during 4x10 "Random Thoughts"**

**Yes, I'm doing it through the episodes I know best. This one is the first one where you can really see Tom worrying for B'Elanna, and you don't see very much of B'Elanna at all. So I can take some poetic license. Yes, I watched the episode while writing this. I'm a nerd. So folks. Send me word suggestions for chapter 4! D words. NO RUDIES (looking at you PA)**

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><p>"Captain, we've got to get B'Elanna out of there" Tom said the second Janeway was released by the confinement beam. Maybe he was overstepping his bounds, he didn't care. He wanted B'Elanna home<p>

"You know the rules Tom, we can't pick and choose which laws we'll respect and which we won't" he followed her as they left, he wasn't giving up this easily. They couldn't leave her there.

"Nobody can be expected to control their thoughts" he couldn't, he was fairly sure that she couldn't, and he knew for a fact B'Elanna couldn't. They weren't Vulcans.

"Explain that to the Mauri" he couldn't tell now if she was being serious or playing devils advocate to get him to let it out now, when they were relatively alone in the corridor.

"Are you just going to let them put her through this process" he felt his voice rising, but pulled himself back. It wasn't Janeway's fault. It was the Mauri's

"I'm doing everything I can to stop it. Neelix is going to file a diplomatic protest, and Tuvok and I will be going over the witness statements. Maybe we can poke a few holes in the Chief Examiners case" Janeway sped up a little, but he kept in step with her. He knew the discussion was over, but he still wanted to get the end out.

"And if you can't?" he asked, he wondered if her was talking quietly enough for her to just ignore his comment. Instead she turned around with a slight smile on her face,

"Then lets hope the Doctor can find out how to reverse an engramatic purge."

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><p>"Lieutenant Paris" B'Elanna's head snapped round, she didn't understand why he'd been brought into this interrogation. It wasn't the first one by this examiner.<p>

"What about lieutenant Paris?" she asked, looking at her captor again, pushing down all feelings for Tom, so she didn't have to go over every fight they'd ever had.

"You have strong feelings for him?" another question, another shot of fury shot through her. Another instance to push it down as they prodded.

"What does he have to do with any of this?" she tried to ask calmly. But her ire was rising, and she knew that this wouldn't be the last time she'd be questions before the purge. She still hoped that the Captain would be able to stop it.

"I'm just trying to see what would anger you" the Examiner finished, clearly not getting the results he wanted, and was finally giving her an answer to the question.

"Talking about lieutenant Paris isn't going to do that. Talking to him however" she almost smiled, thinking about the infuriating conversation they'd had the previous morning. She saw the Examiner finally look at her confused.

"I don't understand" he asked, and she wasn't going to give more than the minimum.

"He's stubborn" she said levelly. Saying nothing else.

"Right"

"Am I done yet"

"You can go back to your cell and await your Commander Tuvok" she followed out and back to herself. Allowing herself to think again of Tom, and how she was going to pay him back.


	4. Dangerous

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Dangerous  
><strong>**Historian's Note: Set during 4x19 "The Killing Game" part II.**

**Massive, massive props to Tomutionmyha for the word and episode prompt for this chapter. Read it and straight away my muse was spinning a web for our favourite Delta-Quadrant fairing couple. The beginning scene I used an actual scene from the episode, the later scene is all my imagination. Haha. Tonight's random thought. Lee Mack and Miranda Hart are hilarious.**

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><p>It was a sight he'd never thought he'd see, and he'd been able to tell from the other reactions of the crew that they'd clearly never expected to see it either. He could tell from her face she wasn't as impressed with the sight as she was, and he knew at this stage in their relationship, it was a bad road to go down. But she looked good. Really good, and he couldn't put that to the back of his mind. She looked miserable though, and he couldn't help but smile at it.<p>

"So what do you think, boy or girl?" he had to joke, trying to alleviate the tension in the room. He could ignore the Hirogen, and the holograms. But he couldn't ignore how unhappy B'Elanna looked. Tuvok and Seven were unaffected, but this couldn't be fun for B'Elanna.

"It's a holographic projection" Seven said, shooting him an almost withering glare, he made an almost imperceptible tuting noise and gently inclined his head to B'Elanna with a light glare at her.

"Unfortunately it's a very good projection, I feel 20 kilos heavier" he couldn't help but stifle a smile as she grimaced, "it even kicks" he wanted to just reach out and feel it, but as Tuvok moved the conversation on, he tried to push his thoughts back to the back of his mind.

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><p>"Back in uniform?" Tom asked as B'Elanna staggered through the door and collapsed onto the sofa in his quarters. They were normally in his, rather than B'Elanna's.<p>

"Back in nightclothes first" she muttered, "the whole section is doing doubles" he saw something he'd rarely seen in the time he'd known her, she actually yawned.

"Well then you need the break" he whispered, wrapping his arms around her and holding her against him. The last month had apparently had them both in sickbay often, not that he could remember them.

"I'm just glad to be back again" she said, and he spotted her pressing her hands against her abdomen again, they hadn't been able to get rid of her bump until they'd restarted the hologrid. She'd got more and more frustrated the longer it had taken.

"I kinda liked the change" he smiled, placing his hands on top of hers and kissing her neck. Before she jerked away a little, getting that dangerous glare in her eyes.

"You are joking" she started, and he could see where this was going to go, either he turned it into a joke, and headed her off before an argument started, or he told the truth. Instead, he went a little of both.

"It was kind of sexy" he muttered, pulling her back against him, still feeling her stiff and solid unlike a few minutes earlier,

"The least sexy I'd ever felt" she sat back, gathering herself up onto the sofa,

"Well, I wouldn't mind seeing that again" he whispered, not leaving her alone to pull away again. Just keeping his hands on her hips, pulled close to her.

"Dangerous topic Tom"

"I know, just a point" he whispered, and pulled her tight to him, leaning back and slowing his breathing, getting ready to relax, and possibly just fall asleep

"Maybe" she leant into his chest and started falling asleep almost straight away "it's one we could come back too" he smiled, and pulled her through to the bedroom.


	5. Emotion

**Title: All Of The Words  
>Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on TomB'Elanna from Voyager.  
>Title: Emotions<br>Historian's Note: Set during 4x26 "Hope and Fear"**

**Really sorry for the MASSIVE break in this fic. I promise promise promise I didn't abandon it. Merely took a short hiatus while I finished watching DS9 with my sister (again) and had my first month of intensive physio. I'm hoping to dedicate more time to watching and writing this fic. Anyway. This chapter came through many re-writes and deletes. But I finally got something I like. The prompt came from my lovely friend Starz. I need to thank the fabulous PinkAngel for reading through this before I posted it!**

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><p>"It doesn't matter really though. I mean. If we got home?" Tom had been buzzing around her console for almost an hour, until now she hadn't had to answer, and had been barely listening to him. Just focusing on the numbers as she worked on the safety net for the new ship.<p>

"What do you mean Tom?" she replied, replying the last few things he had said over in her minds eye. She wasn't sure what he was asking her, and her wandering attention didn't seem to be helping so much.

"Would things change, between us?" Tom almost whispered, they were in a secluded area on the upper deck of Voyager's engineering section. It offered them the privacy she had wanted, but she had hoped that Tom would be focusing on his work too, but just being together was enough right now. They hadn't had much time since Arturus had arrived.

"I'm not sure, would it?" she asked in turn, still not looking up from her console, still full of her safety net projections and equations. She was beginning to get annoyed by his constant questions when she was trying to get things going. She had told Seven, she'd rather face the music at home, than spend the rest of her life journeying through the Delta Quadrant.

"Not on my end" he replied heatedly. She wasn't sure whether he was trying to pull her attention away, or whether he was trying to start a fight. He wanted to know, she could see the urgency in his demeanour, and she suspected, that telling him she didn't have time, would bring the question direct, rather than in the roundabout way he was asking.

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><p>"Tom I really don't have time for these games" he felt the stress in her voice as her flat response came, and he needed to think of a more direct way to tell her. He loved her, and the thought that when they got home, what they had would end, had made him need a stiff drink before he had been able to face speaking to her about it. They fought, and bickered, but he still wanted to spend every day with her.<p>

"I'm asking, would you stay with me, would we stay together, if we get home" he was so nervous as she looked up at him. He could see his feelings mirrored in her beautiful brown eyes. He knew in that moment that she was almost as hurt by the idea they wouldn't be together at home as he was. He almost couldn't breathe held in the warmth of her gaze, and the gentle smile on her lips

"Yes" she whispered, and he felt a smile spread across his face, he put his hand on top of hers, and enjoyed feeling the warmth right away. He now knew that the woman he loved wanted to stay with him too. But he still had to make sure.

"You're sure of that?" he asked, lifting her hand up so he could hold a small part of her. He couldn't wrap his arms around her in main engineering, but he wanted to hold her.

"Absolutely" she paused in her working and leant over to him, giving him a gentle kiss "Tom, I love you. Don't think for a second that where we are would matter for even a moment"

"I should have guessed" he chuckled, and he could feel the warmth between the two of them. He could feel that everything was the same, but it was slightly different too, there was something stronger holding them together.

"Guessed what" the smile in her voice and lightness in her eyes showed him that she knew he was joking,

"When you've set your mind to something, you rarely change it" he leant forward and kissed her again, "I'll see you tonight?" he asked quietly, and smiled as she placed her cheek next to his.

"Count on it" she whispered in his ears, and he held onto his excitement as he headed out to finish what he had to do.


	6. Fear

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Fear  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set just after 5x03 "Extreme Risk"**

**So, after the fun I had writing "Emotion" I decided to just get straight onto the next chapter. This wasn't really how this chapter was supposed to go, and this chapter just WOULDN'T stop writing itself. Hope you folks all enjoy it, and once again MASSIVE thanks to the ever wonderful PinkAngel. My fellow Profiling Trekkie! **

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><p>B'Elanna had been having so many problems thinking about what Chakotay had made her face. It didn't seem to matter that logically she knew that it was a kind of post traumatic stress, along with a touch of survivors guilt and a smattering of grief. Logically she knew that now she'd faced those problems she would be able to start moving past it. But no matter what, she knew that what had happened would be in her mind for a long time. She had to refind herself, before she could think about what was happening in her life.<p>

Tom hadn't given her space, but he wasn't pressuring her either. He was just there if she wanted him. She knew that he was trying to be as helpful as he could be, but he didn't know what had happened, but she knew that the time to tell him was fast approaching. He needed to know. The first night she had found out about the Marquis was the first night she had started avoiding things.

He just wanted her to be herself. He wanted to try and make her happy. That was far more difficult for her to accept, because being happy was the last thing she wanted to be. Walking through the ship, she knew that telling Tom would be the second thing, apologising to him would be the first. As she pressed the sensor on his door, she already knew he was home, like the rest of the shuttle team who found the probe he'd been given a couple of days restricted duty. She stepped in the door after he shouted to enter, and she smiled at the image of him on the floor, reading something on a padd

"B'Elanna" he smiled as he almost sprung to his feet, she was happy to see him, too, but with her mind completely on what she wanted to say, it was almost impossible for her to do more than have a light smile on her face as she joined him on the sofa.

The silence seemed to stretch, she could see he understood that she was ready to talk, but the time it was taking for her to get her words together, she just wanted to tell him.

"You know, all those months ago, we found out that the Marquis had been eradicated" she started slowly. Her hands dropping into her lap. She felt Tom's hand on her back. He wasn't saying anything, just sitting besides her and listening. "I felt, numb. Actually, no" she stopped, and started again "I didn't feel anything, except for pain. I was hurting myself, to prove I'm still alive. There was nothing. No emotions at all. Not for this ship, this crew. Even you" she was quiet, Tom kissed the hand he'd taken hold of "now, I know I'm starting to feel it. I'm in pain every time I think about the past" her voice caught in her throat as she thought about what she was doing "and thinking about the future doesn't seem possible"

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><p>Tom just listened to B'Elanna as her feelings came tumbling out of her. He just wrapped his arms around her, glad to know that she was finally allowing the grief she had held in for so long come to her. As she finally began to calm he wiped the tears from below her eyes, he'd only seen her cry once before. The night she'd gotten the news, but he felt like this time he would be able to help her.<p>

The last few months had weighed heavily on them both, but he wanted to keep B'Elanna in his arms for as long as he possibly could, and this seemed to be the perfect opportunity to tell her how much he loved her, and how he wanted to spend his life with her.

"The future is something that we can face together, something that we can build together" he told her, resting his chin on her shoulder and knowing that nothing could take him away from her right now.

"Tom, every family I ever had has been taken away from me" she whispered, the most vulnerable he'd ever heard her, it made his heart tighten as he imagined how lonely she must feel. He held her tighter, and kissed her cheek before whispering in her ear

"This family will never leave you. I'll never leave you" he promised, and as she turned to him, he saw the hope in her eyes, and he finally felt that she'd come back to him.


	7. Gentle

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Gentle  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set during 5x08 "Nothing Human"**

**Thanks everyone for reading this and I massively apologise for the gaps. I'm having such a crazy time, and I'm writing this on my other laptop and I don't get enough time to get on it! I'm silly I know!**

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><p>Never had fear hit him the way it had when he'd heard that B'Elanna had been compromised by the life form that they had beamed aboard. He had run from the Bridge, and stood, helpless, as the doctor had tried to think of ways to get the creature off B'Elanna. He had barely left her side since he had arrived there. The moment she briefly opened her eyes he felt his whole world light up again, and when she spoke his heart skipped a beat.<p>

He knew she was nowhere near out of the woods, she wasn't even separated from the creature, but her voice made everything seem better. Made him feel more confident about her pulling through it. As soon as the doctor could free her

"Tom" she whispered, so softly he almost missed it. If he could have swapped places with her, he would have done so in an instant. She looked so much smaller than usual. This wasn't the first time she'd been in pain, or even in sickbay, but it was the first time she had been completely helpless, and he hated to see that.

"Hey there" he whispered back, smiling at her. Standing up over her so she could see him without a problem. He had never wanted to hold her as much as he did right then.

"I can't move" she croaked, he could hear the determination in her voice as she focused more

"I know, but don't worry we'll get this thing off you" he sniggered just a little, thinking of a way to try and brighten her spirits "just think. I could make you listen to rock and roll all day and you wouldn't be able to do a thing about it" he could see her trying to smile, and that brief show stabbed him again,

"who's that?" she asked, and he knew if she could, she'd have tensed up. Ready to fight, or to escape.

"relax he's just a hologram. A specialist in exobiology. The doc thinks he might be able to help you"

"Can't he find somebody else?"

"Apparently this guy's the best" he could see that she wasn't eased at all by that, so he pushed the fact that Moset was a hologram "besides, he's just a walking database"

"Hologram or not, he's Cardassian. As far as I'm concerned they're all cold blooded killers"

"I understand how you feel" he almost sighed, instead he just looked into her eyes, the blue met dark brown as he finished his thought "unfortunately that cold blooded killer may be the only one who can save your life" she just looked at him, and only a few minutes later she dozed back into unconsciousness.

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><p>She knew that Tom hadn't had a hand in the decision to use Moset's research. He just loved her, and he wanted her to be OK. He still hadn't come by, and she'd been out of Sickbay for an entire day. Truth was she missed him. She had had a minor disagreement with Janeway, and was on the verge of calling him on the comm when her door opened.<p>

"Hey" he muttered, barely coming in the doorway, and it was clear he wasn't sure if he was allowed to come in, and she felt terrible. The last few days must have hurt him too.

"Don't hover in the doorway" she snapped, and then took a deep breath. "I mean come in" she walked over to him, and pulled him close to her.

"I'm sorry, Bee" he said, using a name he rarely called her, but that he used when he was truly sorry. When he wanted to forstall any possible argument. "I really am"

"Tom, I love you" she whispered, and finally felt his arms wrap around her too. "I promise to stay out of sickbay now"

"Or at least, don't get attacked by cytoplasmic life forms" he laughed, and she was glad to feel safe again.


	8. Hero

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Hero  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set during 5x09 "Thirty Days"**

**This is shorter than the last few chapters. This cold is kicking my arse, and I'm not focusing so well on this episode. Also this episode never really grabbed my attention when I watched it. Hopefully a longer chapter after this. The next chapter… I don't know. Another hard one.**

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><p>A letter to his father wasn't taking his mind off the fact that he missed B'Elanna. Every fibre of his being missed her. They'd been apart before, but never while they were both still on the ship. He'd spent almost 25 days in the brig, and the day he got out wasn't coming fast enough. A little over a week ago Harry had been allowed to visit, he'd said that B'Elanna missed him too, but it wasn't the point. She hadn't been allowed to visit and that made the pain even worse.<p>

He knew that she was truly proud that he had found a cause, and that she had spoken about him saving the day. He should have known that B'Elanna would be the one to support him. She'd had her own cause with the Marquis, and had been considered an outlaw because of it. Now they could be outlaws together. For some reason, that thought made him miss her even more. In 5 days he'd be a free man again. Again an ex-con. This time though, he'd had a reason, and he had someone who was proud of him for doing it.

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><p>To her, it really didn't matter what rank Tom was, or what he had done. He had done what he believed in, and that made her immensely proud of him. She also knew she wasn't the only one. They'd all been together now for 5 years, and the crew knew that Tom wasn't the renegade he had been in his youth. He had truly wanted to help the Moneans, and in doing so had gone against Janeway's orders.<p>

She wished she'd been able to see him during the 30 days he'd been in the brig, but she hadn't been able to get clearance, and she'd missed him. It was almost impossible not to when she saw him almost every day.

But now he was out, and on his way to her quarters. She had the night planned. Some wine, some food, and a healthy amount of time making up for lost time. Her heart was pounding when he signalled at her door.

"Come in" she called, and had to stop herself from running at him when he walked through the door. Instead she smiled, slowly walking over to him and accepting the open arms. It felt nice to just be held again. "I'm sorry" she whispered, and just received a kiss in response.

"I know you'd have come if Janeway'd have let you" he replied, holding her just a little tighter. They didn't have the option very often to just be together.

"I wasn't talking about that"

"I know what you were talking about" he whispered, kissing her fiercely, barely giving space for breath, let alone any words. He led them over to her bed, where they made up for the time apart. Lying together afterwards she looked up and smiled at him

"I missed you"

"Me too" he whispered, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Ever get locked away again and I'm not with you, I'll kill you" she laughed lightheartedly, threading their fingers together as she enjoyed the stillness of a night where they both weren't running for their shift in the morning.

"No you won't, I'm a hero" he teased, and she had to laugh while his words sank in.

"Only in your own mind, Paris" she sighed, just happy to have him back.


	9. Inflamed

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Inflamed  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set during and just after 5x21 "Juggernaut"**

**I was surprised by how few S5 episodes sparked the muse (I had a couple more written down originally, but they just… didn't hit it…) So this is practically to the end of the season! This chapter took a long time to come. First because my muse was feeling picky, so I wrote the whole thing in Welsh and translated it back into English, and second when it came to the end of the chapter. It wouldn't stop writing itself. The muse is a fickle thing and you must go with it. I'm sure you all understand. This is one of the longest chapters I've ever written. YEY! Massive thanks to Dragon Claymore and Nebula2 for reading through this for me! You gals super ROCK!**

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><p>"B'Elanna" Tom ran to catch up with her, "aren't you forgetting something?"<p>

"I don't think so" she briefly looked at him, feeling her belt, she was walking a little faster than usual, but he knew they were all in a hurry. But making sure that B'Elanna knew he would miss her even if they were only apart for a few hours. However the fact she was barely looking at him brought his temper up. Something they both needed to work on.

"Goodbye would be nice. So long, see you soon, something along those lines?" he replied, not quite keeping the sarcasm out of his voice.

"I didn't want to risk it" her tetchiness was almost contagious, and he was having to fight hard not to feel annoyed at her for her surliness.

"Risk what?"

"Starting an argument"

"Argument, us?" he asked, hoping she'd laugh, but he could see the lines on her face, all indicating she was having a stressful day "Sorry. I hear it's been a short fuse kind of day" he wanted to stop her, help her work through the stress, but she wasn't going to stop long enough to let him help.

"About this long" he looked to her fingers, barely a centimeter apart, and he suddenly felt sorry for her. She needed to be at home to get through days like this. The last place she needed to be was on a Malon freighter. He was leaving his minds argument about Voyager being home until he could better focus on it.

"Nothing you can't handle" he told her, his faith was absolute. She was one of the only things he did believe in.

"If you think so" she clearly doubted it. How would he ever convince her that she was able to handle whatever she set her mind to. Again, something for another day.

"I know so"

"I suppose it's always going to be like this" she sighed, and he could see the tension in her shoulders, but he wasn't entirely sure what she meant.

"Like what?"

"Me against the galaxy"

"Well the galaxy doesn't stand a chance" he reached for her shoulders and stopped her movement. He wanted to say a proper goodbye before she walked into the transporter room. Despite the entire crew knowing they were together, neither of them were particularly fond of conducting things in front of other. "Now, promise me that you're going to be careful over there, no stopping to have fun" he smiled as she gave him an incredulous glance. A beat passed before she grinned back at him.

"Fun, on a Malon freighter?" he leant forward and kissed her. It didn't matter how she acted now, he was going to worry about her until she got back.

"See you soon" he watched her walk into the transporter bay, and sighed as he walked away. Missing her already.

* * *

><p>There was no denying that the sonic shower was doing her a world of good. She was exhausted, sweaty and grimy, and knowing that a Malon had tried to kill his own crew, and her crew too, saddened her far more than she thought it would have. He thought that his race had abandoned him, and had tried to punish them.<br>She didn't want to admit to Tuvok, but the meditation techniques he had taught her had helped her keep her emotions in check. She knew that she had a fiery temper, and that she couldn't always control it. Tom wound her up about it, and sometimes she proved his point then as she'd get irrationally angry about it. He knew exactly which nerves were the most exposed. After her body was clean, she settled herself on the floor ready to practice one of the techniques Tuvok taught her, and as her door sensor chimed she pushed her temper down right away, she had an idea it was either going to be Chakotay, Harry or Tom checking on her, maybe even the Captain, but whoever it was, they could deal with her on the floor.

"Come in" she didn't make a move from behind the sofa. She focused on the sound of movement and realized that it was Tom. "Hi"

"Why are you on the floor?" he asked, giving her a strange look. The only similar look she could imagine was a look he'd give her if she grew another head.

"Because" she trailed off. Not sure whether she should tell him the truth or not. Then she remembered this was the man she loved, if there was anyone she could be truthful with it was Tom. She shook her head and opened her mouth slowly "I was going to meditate"

"Seriously? You?" Tom wasn't laughing, but he did look surprised. "Wanna teach me?"

"Are you serious?" she asked, looking up at him, she caught his curious expression, and she realized that he didn't want to do it to mock her, he wanted to do it to help her. He loved her,

"Come on B'Elanna" he pressed, and she nodded as he slid down a little way away from him.

"OK. Then sit a little closer" she smiled as he sat next to her, just close enough that their crossed knees were touching, She started to settle next to him. Slowing her breathing she got ready to talk him through the start of the meditation she'd learnt. This one was about relaxing her mind into a steady stream of positive energy.

"How was it on the Malon ship?" Tom asked quietly. She shot him a glare as he smiled gently at her. She saw him open his mouth, she put a finger to his lips to stall it,

"Tom" she sternly whispered, he held his hands up in a mock measure of surrender before kissing her cheek.

"Ok, ok."

"Just follow my lead, breathe deeply and focus on one thought" she closed her eyes and started to get herself into the centered position she needed to be in.

"Can that thought be about you" Tom whispered next to her, she shot another annoyed glance at him

"Tom" she growled, but the twinkle in his eye showed her that he was trying to get a rise out of her. He settled into a pose mirroring hers. She closed her eyes and began to steady her breathing once again, this time she felt Tom bring his breathing in time with hers. "One thought" she repeated, and she felt a sudden pressure as his hand snaked into hers. She sat there. Focusing on the feeling of his hand, and she hoped that he was focusing on the same thing.


	10. Justified

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Justified  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set during "Equinox part I"**

**I'll be honest. I stole the first scene from the episode, just because it was so fabulously acted by Roxann Dawson and Titus Welliver I couldn't ignore it, and writing JealousTom was sooo fantastic. I actually fell more in love with him this episode. **

* * *

><p>"Intruder alert." She called as she saw him, getting off the ladder "Same old Max, going through my things." She tried to hold her facial express into something stern, but she knew it wasn't working. It was good to see him again. She hadn't thought they'd ever cross paths again. She looked down to the station he was working on, then back up to him "That is a command station, it's off limits without my direct authorisation"<p>

"I didn't realise, are you gonna throw me in the brig" He gave her an innocent puppy look, it made her think back 10 years, but she shook it off before replying

"I think we can overlook this infraction. Can I help you with something?" she knew the smile was going to break through so she smiled, and walked around him, hoping for something to lean on. She'd been working almost non-stop and her feet were hurting.

"Just doing some homework, studying your propulsion system, if there's a chance I'm going to be stuck on Voyager I figured I better learn my way around. Maybe you could tutor me, over dinner?" He swung back around her, and leaned on the railing that circled the warp core. She braced her body weight against it, thinking how Tom would feel that Max was flirting with her again.

"Problem is you were never really interested in the work, or the meal. Something tells me you haven't changed" As he laughed she knew that she was right. She wasn't interested in him that way anymore, it was fun to flirt, but at the end of the day she'd still be going home to Tom.

"You'd be surprised, I'm not the, what did you once call me?"

"PetaQ" she grinned at the memory he brought up. Their last argument had ended with her throwing a chair and screaming Klingon insults at him, before going back to her own dorm and being glad that her roommate was still out as she threw a few more things.

"PetaQ, I'm not the petaQ I used to be, let me prove it to you" his soft eyes and obvious flirting showed what he meant, and she wanted to be completely clear.

"Look Max, don't get me wrong, it's good to see you again." She trailed off and thought for a beat, trying to get her thoughts straight "But, 10 years"

"Tom Paris?" he asked, cutting to the heart of the matter, and she knew that he knew he was right. Tom's attitude and their pointed glares when they'd met earlier had probably given it away.

"Tom Paris"

"You could do worse," she smiled at that idea, there wasn't a lot of people out her, but he adored her, and she had fallen in love with him, no matter what happened, how many times she threw chairs, they'd always end up back together an hour later. "So we're still on for dinner, just the two of us?" Max asked with the flirty look back in his eye.

"Get going, or I will throw you in the brig" she laughed to herself, and thought about how she'd make it so she could do dinner, and that Tom would jump to red alert.

* * *

><p>"Tom, calm down" he continued pacing for a few minutes before he finally stopped and turned back to face her.<p>

"B you were flirting with him!" he almost shouted, trying to reign himself in wasn't working. Maybe Harry was right, he was jealous, but it didn't matter when it was the woman he loved.

"I was not" she said defensively, almost half the volume he was shouting.

"You were!" he yelled, slapping his hands against his upper thighs and began to pace again.

"You're being an idiot" B'Elanna said, looking more tired every second that the argument went on, but he couldn't help the way he felt right now.

"An idiot who loves you" he said, slowing down and finally looking at her for more than a second and he saw that his ire was upsetting her. He started trying to calm down as she reached out and took his hand

"Max and I broke up when I was 19" she whispered, holding his hands tightly against her, he didn't want to move away from her, but he couldn't help the need to start pacing again,

"Are you over him though?" he asked, much quieter than he had been before. Feeling some of his anger slipping away at B'Elanna's quietness, he wasn't used to her being so quiet.

"You're being an idiot" she almost whispered, and he started to feel guilty, he walked back over to her and took her hands

"B'Elanna just tell me" he whispered, leaning closer to her.

"I love you, Tom. Not him"

"Its OK if there is still something for him, just tell me."

"Tom" B'Elanna sighed and slid onto his bed. He knew that she was exhausted but he had needed to get things off his chest. He was less annoyed seeing her so tired, "I'm too tired for your jealousy"

"It's justified, but I'm sorry" he sat down next to her, then pulled her back so they were laid together across his bed

"Plus we've been together longer than I was with him anyway" she laughed, and he smiled at the musical lilt in her voice. "almost 2 years"

"I know, my longest ever relationship" he wrapped his arms around her, lying on his side to face her.

"Oh now, why is that not surprising" she laughed again, and tilted her head so their foreheads were touching.

"Yellow alert" came a voice of the captain, and they both headed for the Bridge.


	11. Karma

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Karma  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set during and just after "Barge Of The Dead"**

**Once again, I stole a fantastically acted scene from the show. Yep. I'm not denying that. The second part is what I always wish we'd seen at the end of this episode. I am slowly but surely learning more about these two. I think our courtship is going well. I sometimes wonder if Morgan and Garcia think I'm cheating on them. Although this is one of my favourite episodes, it wasn't writing itself the way the last two episodes did. I'm hoping that "Alice" works easier. But that'll have to wait til tomorrow night.**

* * *

><p>He'd tried to stay silent as she prepared herself, but now the time was fast approaching he found himself unable to stay quiet any longer. "I can't believe the captain is allowing this" he walked around to where she was lighting her candles. "one minute you're in a coma the next you're a born-again Klingon. I just don't get it" He wasn't sure if anything he said would convince her at this late juncture not to go ahead with what she was planning, but he had to give it a try.<p>

"I'm not sure I get it either. I just know this is something I have to do" He followed her round to the bed, and he knew that she was going to do this

"There's gotta be an easier way for you to explore your spirituality, go to church or something"

"It wouldn't be enough" she broke his heart with those words, and he knew that it wasn't worth fighting any longer, she was going to do it.

"Look I'll read the scrolls, I'll learn Klingon. We'll figure this out, together"

"Next time" she said as she sat on the bed, he wasn't sure if she was being flippant, but his heart jumped into his throat as he knew she was putting herself in more danger than he'd have ever let her.

"I just hope there is a next time" he sighed, balling his hands into fist to help him hold onto his emotions.

"There will be" she muttered, he stayed stood at the foot of the bed. Wondering what last gasp thing he could say, but he was stopped by the doors opening.

"Report" Janeway asked as she walked through the doors into Sickbay

"I've examined the sensor logs from the shuttle mission, I should be able to recreate the exact conditions that triggered her near death experience"

"Good, B'Elanna"

"I'm ready" she replied, and he began to move forward, looking down on her

"Be careful" he muttered, and leant down to kiss her. As he stepped away, he just hoped he'd be able to see her again.

* * *

><p>She pulled away from Janeway and turned to Tom. She'd never felt the urge to hold him as tightly as she did just then. He wrapped his arms around her and held her back just as tightly. Though she'd made the decision to do this mostly alone, he'd still supported her through it, and had been here when she'd woken.<p>

"I'll leave you two for now" Janeway said, turning and making a swift exit, after whispering a few words to the Doctor. B'Elanna looked up at Tom and could see the pain and fear in his eyes, but also the unconditional support that he'd always given her. She stroked the side of his face, having a quick moment where she was once again glad that she was alive

"I'm sorry" she whispered, "I'm so sorry"

"It's OK" he smiled, and she felt so much better knowing that he wasn't angry with her, or at her, for going through with the idea, when she had no concrete proof her mother was even dead. "Did you do what you meant to do?"

"I think so, I think maybe you were right all along, and my mother isn't really dead"

"Why's that?"

"Because" she trailed off, searching her mind for the exact words he mother had used. Whether it was a vision or she really had been on the Barge of the Dead she didn't know, but she did remember the words, "she said we'd see each other again. Maybe when I got home"

"One day you'll be able to find out"

"I hope so. I hope you'll be there to find out too"

"Of course I will. Get some rest B." he smiled and helped her lie back on the bed. She held onto his hand as suddenly fatigue took her over.

"Will you stay?" She asked quietly, hoping in one way the he didn't hear her, but still not wanting him to leave. As she started drifting away she felt his hand squeeze hers, and heard one of the doctors chairs scrape across the floor closer to her, and she drifted, knowing she wasn't alone any longer.


	12. Life

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Life  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set during and just after "Alice"**

**This chapter would NOT come to me, it was so hard to do and I kept putting it off and off and focusing on my Criminal Minds work, but I think I finally got back into the swing of it. 14 more chapters after this! The first part is straight out of the episode, and I just wanted to write around it, the second part is just a little scene set after they're in sickbay at the end of the episode. **

* * *

><p>She stormed down to the shuttle bay where they were keeping Alice, expecting Tom to more than likely be there, and she had had enough of his behaviour at present. Discovering that he had stolen equipment that Voyager might need, she was fuming, and she knew that she didn't have the opportunity to let this go unaddressed. "Tom Paris" she shouted as she walked through the doors. When she heard no movement, and no response, she walked around the ship and spotted her missing power cells "Well Alice, looks like you've been borrowing my things without permission" her curiosity got the better of her, and she took a few steps inside the ship, wondering what she would be able to find.<p>

"Hey." she pressed the release a few times, and when the door didn't open she tried the most obvious thing. "Computer open the hatch"

"Unable to comply. Warning, life support failure"

"Torres to the Bridge. Torres to Chakotay. Anybody" She hammered on the window as she slid to the floor, already feeling the effects of oxygen withdrawal. The next thing she knew the hatch opened and Tom ran in, trying to help her up, and all she could think was getting out of there.

"B'Elanna, what are you doing here" She pushed him away trying desperately to get as far away from the ship.

"Let me out of here" she said as she pushed her way out of the ship and quickly tried to escape out of the bay. She leant against a corridor bulkhead for a few moments.

"What the hell happened in there?" Tom followed her, and tried to help her as best he could, but she couldn't accept his help right now

"Your ship tried to kill me"

"That's ridiculous" he tried to laugh, but she knew that he was forcing it, which meant he knew exactly how dangerous that ship could be.

"It sealed the hatch, vented the atmosphere" she gulped as she began to get her breath back.

"You must have accidentally tripped the environmental controls" he talked to her like she was a second year cadet, not the chief engineer, and for some reason that raised her ire even higher.

"Don't try to tell me this was an accident" she snapped at him, standing straighter and trying to get around him.

"What else could it have been" he retorted, and she finally pushed past him, walking to the other side of the corridor,

"How about pilot error" B'Elanna growled, a low blow even for an argument between the two of them, but she didn't care, she needed to get away from that ship and right now she needed to get away from him.

"Are you saying that this was my fault?" he replied defensively, standing in front of her again, and for the first time since she'd known him, she was afraid for what he might do to himself.

"What's gotten into you? You've been stealing components Tom, I found the power cells" he walked a few steps away then turned back to her,

"A few spare parts, you're over-reacting"

"Am I?" she started walking away at speed, trying to get away, she knew she needed to report what had happened, but she also knew that the captain wasn't going to believe her.

"Where are you going?" he asked in a little boys 'don't tell mom' voice.

"To talk to the captain"

"Wait" he ran to catch up with her, but she didn't want to appear like she was running away from him, so she kept her steady speed

"There's something wrong with you" she called over her shoulder, not realising how close he was when he grabbed her arm and span her around

"Listen to me!" He yelled at her, and she stopped dead as he took a step forward she took a step back until she was right against the bulkhead,

"Are you out of your mind"

"Stay out of this B'Elanna" he pointed at her, and she knew she needed to get away, and to get him help. Because this wasn't the Tom Paris she knew.

"Or what, you'll sic Alice on me again?" were her parting words as she walked as fast as she could away. Once she was out of sight she broke into a jog, needing to be as far away as she could be, to get him the help he needed.

* * *

><p>The days had passed and he'd spent every minute he could trying to make things up to B'Elanna. The pain he felt when he replayed some of what he had said to her, done to her, in the time Alice had been aboard the ship would plague him forever. He had had so many problems with what she had done to rescue her mother, yet he had done something equally as dangerous in what he'd done with Alice. More-so really, as he had actively hurt her in the process.<p>

"Tom, what are you thinking?" B'Elanna asked, leaning over him on the bed. He'd thought she was asleep. If he told the truth he would admit. It was hard for him to sleep, he kept having flashes.

"I just can't sleep" he whispered, rolling over so he could wrap his arms around her, in their very calmest, quietest moments, they would just share the bed and hold on to each other, the only tactile reminder that they weren't alone. He smiled as she laid a kiss on his shoulder, "I keep wondering, what I ever did to deserve you"

"You probably don't, but that's not going to change anything" she joked, and he leant down to kiss her, hard. Trying to put all his unspoken feelings into the kiss. There were many things that they hadn't had the time to tell each other, but maybe it was time for him to change that.

"I love you" he whispered softly in her ear. Holding her close to him, and smiling even more when he heard her echo his words. With the two of them together, there was nothing they couldn't do.


	13. Michael

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Michael  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set just after "Fair Haven"**

**Many thanks to the fabulous Marauder for helping me plan this chapter. This is going to be a fun little chapter, I'm trying to write humour, lets see how this goes huh… Nebula gave Harry his middle names. Jekkah looked over this chapter for me.**

**Sorry this is taking so long to update. I'm going through stages of watching Voyager or watching CM/HIMYM/DS9**

* * *

><p>B'Elanna dropped her hyper spanner again and looked to the two men who were distracting her from the delicate repair work she needed to do. "Do you two mind" she snapped, turning round to them with a glare.<p>

"Mind what?" Tom asked, looking up at her with the cheeky grin that he pulled whenever he wanted to get away with something. It rarely worked.

"I am trying to realign the holo-emitters" she almost growled. The holo-lab had been malfunctioning for days, and now she'd finally finished the major repairs in Engineering, she'd thought of a few hours of calm in the holo-lab would have been relaxing. Until Tom and Harry walked in and started working around her.

"We are trying to rebuild a programme, from scratch" Harry replied. Calling up another character, causing B'Elanna to growl again.

"It's not from scratch, you still have some components" she was clearly wound up about what they were doing.

"I reserved the one component we saved for the captain" Tom replied and then winced. He hadn't told B'Elanna what had gone on, but he kept letting slip.

"Why?" she asked, smiling this time, eager for the gossip.

"Because" he trailed off and shot her a look of death, one that she wasn't sure why she got it, unlike most of the time he looked at her.

"Oh my, that's who the whole crew is talking about" She gasped with a grin.

"B you need to come here when the programme is running"

"I'd rather purge the plasma injectors" he looked down at her, knowing something else was coming at the end of that sentence "by hand"

"Oh, thank you for being supportive" he complained, causing her to laugh.

"Don't need to be supportive, need to try and keep the ship running"

"Hey, I help with that" Tom played innocent.

"Tom you blew out the acoustic inverter in our sonic shower this morning!"

"Hey, I was not alone in there" Tom laughed, and they both heard Harry's cough and turned to face him.

"Guys, this I do not need to know" he looked between the two of them.

"Sorry Harry" Tom replied with a grin, "B'Elanna do you think you'll have holodeck one repaired today?"

"I doubt it, Vorik's team are doing a full memory purge" she picked up another circuit board and started making her adjustments.

"So, we have to build the programme one subroutine at a time"

"In the hololab" they two boys signed, and B'Elanna groaned

"I need to work in here two boys" she shook her head as they both looked like innocent schoolchildren.

"We'll behave Maquis, promise"

"Somehow that promise doesn't hold much weight" B'Elanna smiled and went back to her reprogramming, barely listening to the boys.

"So, does your magic brain say we can get Maggie O'Halloran back exactly how she was"

"I remember how I programmed her"

"She is a classy lass"

"Harry, not another hologram" B'Elanna sighed, reminding them that she was still there.

"Hey hey, I'm not the one in love with a hologram this time" Harry chuckled, and Tom shot him the dead look.

"Wait what?"

"I said nothing" Harry looked around innocently, and Tom was trying to keep them calm.

"Harry Salieri Liang Kim you tell me right now"

"B leave him alone"

"I wanna know" she sighed with a frown, the face she knew Tom hated to see on her face.

"Fine. Remember how I told you Michael Sullivan caused a scene a couple of days ago?" Tom walked over to her and took her spare hand.

"Yeah, if I remember rightly he started a fight in the holodeck" she looked between the two of them, still looking between them

"Well, that was because he was pining for a crewmember" Tom looked down at her with a smiled.

"Ohhh who?" she looked between Tom and Harry, hoping that they weren't in the mood to be cruel to her.

"It was the captain, and everybody knows" Harry whispered in a conspiratorial manner. Laughing the whole time at her shocked expression.

"No" she sighed. The three of them spent a healthy amount of time discussing how you'd have a real relationship with a hologram. Leading to Tom and B'Elanna giving a long demonstration of what being able to go wherever they wanted could lead too.


	14. Near

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Near  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set just after "Memorial"**

**OK. This chapter is one I'm particularly proud of. I have a habit of writing when MASSIVELY sleep deprived, and this chapter came from it. I have a little P/T oneshot to post as a Nadolig treat to all the lovely Voyager fans I know. Over halfway through this now. YEY! Hope you're all still enjoying it.**

* * *

><p>He still felt out of sorts. He knew the entire crew had been affected, but the only person who he wanted to share his experience with was battling with her own issues from it. He'd have thought that B'Elanna would be the first one to get over it, with her Klingon upbringing. He had been asleep, but he'd been woken up by the sound of tears. He had reached over to wake B'Elanna from her dream.<p>

"B, wake up. Babe come on" he stroked her cheek in a way he knew always either woke her up or soothed her back into a peaceful sleep.

"No, wait," She sighed as she opened her eyes. She suddenly wrapped her arms around him. He held her as tight "Oh, I'm home" she cried as he nails dug into his back. He didn't ever want to let her go, and let her feel like she was alone. A few minutes sat together in silence gave her some composure back. He was fairly confident he was one of the only people in the universe to see B'Elanna Torres when she wasn't in complete control.

"Yes you are" he whispered, pulling back a little, far enough for him to see her face. He may have seen her upset many times, but he had never seen her cry, and he'd never felt as needed in his life.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, almost too quietly to hear. He leant forward and kissed her, hoping that would help her see that no apology would ever be necessary for him. Ever.

"B'Elanna." he trailed off, his heart feeling torn. "Tell me about it?" he asked, wiping away a tear from under her eye.

"I killed children, Tom, babies" her voice cut through the silence of their quarters, there was nothing but her voice and the low thrum of a ship travelling at warp. "Their parents too. Just because they were my orders. I've never blindly followed orders." She started to wail, and he once again wrapped his arms around her, only just realising why she was having so much trouble. Why her experience was more harrowing than his.

"B'Elanna it wasn't you" he muttered in her ear. Over and over as he held her against him. Hoping that eventually these memories would become more manageable.

"But I remember it all so clearly" she growled, her voice becoming angry, before she fell back against him. The emotion of the night weighing heavily on her.

"B" he said again, drawing out the sound of the letter to calm her down. They laid together, wrapped in each others arms, not sleeping but not speaking either. Just allowing their emotions to settle.

"You know, I want a child, eventually" she suddenly said, they had never really talked about having children, and with any other woman his answer would have been different, but this wasn't any woman. This was his woman. The woman of his dreams.

"So do I" he replied, kissing the tip of her nose as he did.

"You're not just saying that?" she asked quietly. Though he could tell from her voice that she wasn't really asking. She knew he meant it, and for the first time in his life he actually did.

"B'Elanna, you are the only woman in the universe I would ever say that too" he told her truthfully. Watching her face as it settled into a small smile. Replaced only minutes later by a frown as the nightmare that had woken them both had resurfaced in her mind.

"I keep going back to that place, and" he placed his finger on her lips, stopping her from finishing her thought.

"I know. I'm always near" he bowed his head and kissed her. Telling her with every breath that he would never leave her alone, and showing her with every deed, that she was his universe.


	15. Original

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Original  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set during and just after "Muse" 6x22**

**Massive thanks here are going to Jess, just because I misplaced half this chapter, and it took me a while to find it, but I had it backed up in a FB message to her. So... THANKS JESS LOVE YA!**

* * *

><p>Whatever happened, he knew that this month would haunt him. Harry and B'Elanna were both missing, both had been missing now for several days. He was worried about them both, probably in equal measures too, as much as B'Elanna would be annoyed at him for it. He loved her, and Harry was almost his little brother. The staff briefing couldn't really be going worse. He thought he was going into shock.<p>

"Are you sure there is no sign" he asked again, shaking his head in disbelief at what his colleagues were telling him. He dropped his head to his chest and looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry Tom" the captain looked at him, sympathy in her eyes. "Tuvok, keep scanning for the Flyer's homing signal. Seven, work with Chakotay, see if you can find anything that might indicate where they are." She dropped her head and he felt like he had to do something more to find them. Anything more. "Dismissed"

"That's it?" he stood up, looking straight at the captain. Hoping he could get through to her

"Mr Paris try to stay calm"

"No that's not gonna happen," He shot a glare at the doctor before turning back to the captain, who at least seemed to understand how much this was hurting him. "Isn't there anything else we can do?"

"Not until something shows up on sensors" she walked towards him, he could tell from the look on her face that she knew this was going to be hardest on him.

"I'll take a shuttle out myself. I'll run a planet by planet search" he almost begged, and he wasn't sorry.

"An inefficient plan" Seven spoke up, the only person at the briefing who didn't seem to be at a loss as to what to do. That was likely just for show.

"And too dangerous. You could be hit by the same spatial eddies that sent the flyer off course" Chakotay stated the obvious, all of which were only adding to Tom's restlessness. He should have gone with them.

"We need to concentrate our efforts from here Tom" the captain reached out and put a supportive hand on his arm, giving him a little bit of extra support. "alright" She then looked to the rest of the room, and his heart fell as he knew he wouldn't be allowed to do anything more to find them. "Dismissed". As the rest of the crew left the room he sat back on his chair, looking to the floor and wishing as hard as he could, that Harry or B'Elanna was there with him right then.

* * *

><p>"B'Elanna" Tom yelped and ran to the transporter pad, she almost jumped into his arms. So glad to be home after almost two weeks away. She could tell from his grip that he'd missed her too. "You need to tell me about this that Harry's saying"<p>

"I will just… let me get used to being back first" She smiled, and took hold of his hand, He led her towards sickbay, and she knew she could even cope with the doctor, as long as that reminded her that she was back, and ready to stay home for a while.


	16. Protect

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Protect  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set during and just after "Unimatrix Zero pt 1" 6x26**

**OK. I sorta took a break from this fic, purely because other things took precedence (Tis Not Too Late and I Have A Story To Tell mostly) But after a couple of random watches of my favourite episode, I decided it was time to take this on again. This scene in the Flyer is so brilliantly underplayed that the emotions. These are two of my favourite actors in the world (RD is second only to Minnie Driver) and this scene is one of the reasons why.**

* * *

><p>She could understand his reaction, she could understand how he'd fought with her, almost pleaded with her, not to go on this suicidal mission. If it was him, she'd probably feel exactly the same. She'd probably have asked him not to go.<p>

She knew that he was upset with her for making that decision. He was upset with her just for volunteering. She had seen the look of relief on his face when the captain had said no, even if he'd tried to hide it.

In truth, he was the only reason she'd think about not going. There weren't many others, especially not now she knew what was going to happen. What could happen because of her decision. She might not come back, and that would mean he'd be alone.

But now, sat in the Flyer, listening to the undercurrent of his words, she knew beyond all doubt she'd made the right choice for the ship, and for the people of Unimatrix Zero, but she'd made the wrong choice for them. He was scared, and so was she. He found every little thing wrong with the ship and pointed it out.

"Since when are you so meticulous"

"Since you volunteered for this insane mission" though he tried to make the comment sound flippant, she knew that he wanted to make her think about staying. But she couldn't. "You know, I could sabotage the helm controls, you'd never make it out the airlock"

"And then I'd have to put you on report, you might lose that new pip of yours"

"It'd be a small price to pay" He almost whispered as he turned his back to her and walked back to the console he'd been working on. She took a few deep breaths, knowing that she needed to tell him things now, just in case.

"Tom" she started as she turned around, "I didn't volunteer for this because of" he cut her off before she could finish her sentence, and his eyes spoke more than he could say, they shone with understanding and a sense of sadness.

"I know, B." He whispered, and she went to him, kneeling on the floor beside him. Feeling the need to be close to him for just a moment. "I just don't want you to go"

"I don't want to go, but you know as well as I do that I need to" she hoped that he knew, and his hand stroking the side of her cheek told him that she did.

"Just, promise you'll come back to me, OK?"

"I promise" She leant up and kissed him, before leaning back just enough to look in his eyes "I love you"

* * *

><p>He'd confronted Chakotay because he knew that was right. Even putting aside his worry for B'Elanna, they needed all three back. He wasn't going to pretend that B'Elanna wasn't his main worry though. The fact that they were so overdue now, was worrying him. He just wanted to make sure they got home, and even as the acting XO, he wasn't in command, and he needed to put aside his personal feelings to do the job. He just hoped that he wouldn't have to wait too long, and he hoped that B'Elanna could keep her promise.<p> 


	17. Quarrel

**Title: All Of The Words  
><strong>**Summary: another "Alphabet" style fic, set in order, focusing on Tom/B'Elanna from Voyager. Canon.  
><strong>**Chapter Title: Quarrel  
><strong>**Historian's Note: this is set during "Drive" 7x03**

**A little background into my history with this episode. My family refer to this as "Shin's episode" because the first time it was shown on British TV I sobbed ALL the way through it as I thought they were going to break P/T up. I then promptly screamed and ran round the house after the last scene. I swear, dissecting this episode to get into their minds… just made it all the more poignant for me.**

* * *

><p>He could feel the tension, and he wasn't really sure what was playing on B'Elanna's mind. She had been off with him for a while, long before the race, ever since her last mission with the Captain. He wasn't sure what had changed, but he needed to know what he'd done, so he could try and mend things.<p>

The were just snapping at each other now, there was no reason for it. He had probably over-reacted, so had she, and it was all snowballing out of control, and he needed to do something about it. He was only half paying attention to her conversation about Harry and Erina,

"Some people just fit together without having to work at it, and other people" she trailed off, and he finally started paying a little more attention "No matter how much they try"

"Are we talking about them or us?"

"What?" he looked forward, not really sure what she meant, and why it was suddenly such a big deal to her. Why everything seemed to be such a big deal. "No, I didn't mean" He cut her off before she could make another excuse, say something else to just try and get through. Now he knew though, there was something that bothered her, and he needed to find out what it was. To sort it out.

"If something's bothering you lets talk about it" he almost whispered, he didn't realise how small, how tired he sounded. He loved her, but sometimes, convincing her of that fact was harder than fighting the Borg. She just looked at him a long moment before going back to her controls.

"We should concentrate on the race" she replied, looking away from him, and refusing to meet his eyes.

* * *

><p>"Warp core breach in 20 seconds" the computer decided to warn them, and all thought of what they'd just been talking about disappeared into the back of her mind.<p>

"So what's your answer?" Tom asked, and she had never felt so confused,

"My answer?" she asked, trying to stabilise the warp core as she did, her head focused on her task.

"Will you marry me" she looked round at him. The question a million miles away from where they were and what they were doing.

"Warp core breach in 15 seconds" the computer helpfully reminded her she needed to work.

"You're proposing now?"

"Seems as good a time as any" and as they raced away from the explosion, she wondered if she'd ever get the chance to answer his question. "B'Elanna?" he asked a few seconds or minutes later, she wasn't certain. She was half under her console, having been thrown from her chair.

"I guess we lost" she said, with only a hint of sarcasm, she looked around the front of the flyer, wondering what they could have done differently.

"That depends" he replied, getting up and moving back to his seat at the front of the shuttle.

"On what?" she almost growled, pulling herself to a sitting position and looking at his back as he began turning the ship around.

"On how you answer my question"

"I thought you only asked it because we were about to explode"

"Well, we're still alive, and I'm still asking" He turned back to her, and she moved forward, sliding into the seat next to him.

"How come you never asked me before"

"How come you're still avoiding the question" he leant in to her, and whenever he did that she couldn't pull away. It was like he was a magnet. Pulling her ever closer. She couldn't blame him for it. Her body just reacted to him that way. They both knew what her answer was going to be, but it didn't stop her playing with him a little.

"I'm thinking"

"Think faster" he whispered, continuing to lean into her, her heart was pounding in her chest, and that was making it impossible to think of anything.

"Why you going to withdraw the question?" she smiled just a little. Her eyes still locked with his the closer he got.

"No, but I might start to beg, it could get embarrassing" he smiled before their lips met. They both knew her answer, it wasn't long before Voyager arrived to collect them, and almost as soon as they we beamed to the ship, Harry knew something had happened. Two days later she said the words she'd never expected to say, as she joined her life with his.


End file.
